• Animals instinctively know when they’re dying.  They just don’t think about what’s to come since they have no knowledge of it’s existence, until it happens or is happening.  It’s just nature.  People know too.  My dad, my aunt, my mom … they knew and it wasn’t until I went into my aunt’s room and she was scared.  She pulled herself up a bit, on one side, and said, “I’m dying.  I don’t want to die.”  Her face – it was the face of certainty.  I sat down on her bed and said, “Hey, what makes you think that, You don’t know for sure … we’re expecting you to rebound.  We’ve seen it with dad, and even if you were, you know you’ll be okay.  Remember our talks and how the universe isn’t evil … it just is.  It’s chaotic, and dangerous, but it’s also changing and evolving.  It’s natural because it’s meant to be.  After a bit of a chat, where I was pretty much doing the talking.  She lay on her back with a pillow under head and the bed raised.  She watched me … and I hope she was listening, but she just watched me.  When I asked if she was okay, she would quietly respond.  The nurse told me she heard me.  She sat at a computer outside the door.  I was a little concerned with what she thought of all that I said, since she was wearing hijab. I didn’t really feel like defending myself.  I said, “She’s sure she’s dying,” and she said something about what I had said, like it was comforting, or nice, or something like that.  I asked, “Is she right?” and she pretty much agreed.


    Nothing evil is meant to be.  An evil person is not meant to be one … he’s meant to grow up to be a nice person.  Something happened that caused his evilness, perhaps genetically or psychologically.  Death must be okay because it’s meant to be.   Sadly, to move forward, we needed consciousness, and awareness, and with that came a need to learn.  And we learned that our lives end one day, which was unacceptable.



    How much damage does a consistent 7.4 A1C to 7.6 A1C do to your body?


    I have zero desire to have a relationship with anyone so why not just live with my best friend.  Works for me … most of the time.  There are also times of a strong desire to live alone.  And times of plotting murder … just kidding but am I?  I am, but I’m I also high at this time.  I mean medicated …



  • Doesn’t it make more sense that an afterlife can be amazing naturally.  Life can be amazing.  Why couldn’t an afterlife?  I believe more in an afterlife now that I no longer believe in deities.  It does not make sense to be born, live and then become nothing.

    One can believe in an afterlife without believing in deities.


    So I’m watching my cat, who is sitting on a blanket on the overstuffed chair, and he’s annoyed.  During his romp around the living room, he knocked a small container onto the corner of the blanket, and now it’s bugging him that it’s there.  They obviously have poor problem solving skills because it would take one swat with his paw to knock it off the chair and out of his way.  Instead, he’s lying near it with the ears back and obviously annoyed by the bin.

  • Neely meowed at me today.  I was about to give her a few treats and she meowed and let me pet her.  And it was even on the floor … not in the corner.  It seems to be taking forever, but her fear of humans is probably based on abuse, and understandable.

  • It’s almost as if, when anyone around me died, I adopted some of their character traits.  Do we become a part of the next generation – and do we flow into the one’s around us, on and on with every generation more knowledgeable, healthier, kinder than the one before?  We’re growing our own species with our past influencing our future.  Our species is important.  We’re the ones who altered our universe to create the letters on the keyboard in front of me.

    I still wonder if the reason for our levels of intelligence is we have opposable thumbs and advanced faster than any other creature with the same physical attribute.

    But I feel mannerisms I didn’t think I had before, similar to my family members whom I’ve lost, but is it because I miss them and it makes me feel better, or is it that spark?